Thursday, February 16, 2012

Ev'ry Day I'm Strugglin', Strugglin'

Aaaahhhhh....my (hopefully still) loyal bloggie readers.  I'm sorry I've been absent from this space lately.  I feel like such a bum for not keeping up with my posts regularly.  The truth is, I've just been having a hard time balancing the different facets of my life lately.

It's because of many things really.  But mostly stemming from the fact that, since the new year, I've decided once and for all, that I will take back my life and start living a healthier lifestyle.  I was tired of looking in the mirror and feeling less than satisfied with myself.  I felt tired a lot.  Sore and stiff in my muscles all the time.  My clothes (even my "fat pants" - ladies, you know what I'm talking about) didn't fit well anymore.  I generally would eat til I felt overly full and even sick.  I had a bad "clean your plate" mentality about every meal.  I felt run down.  And yes - I wanted to look good in a bikini again, dammit. I decided it was enough.

Reasons... 
At first, even the thought of getting back in shape was so overwhelming.  I felt I knew nothing.  And it had been years - um...about nine or so? - since I was last on a regular fitness program.  I didn't know what a portion was.  I didn't know what an ounce of meat looked like, or how many chips was in an actual serving.  I knew very little about the actual nutritional content of the food I was fueling my body with and what kind of nutrients a body really needs on a daily basis.  It was all very foreign and  quite overwhelming.

If not now - when?
But like I said, enough was enough.  This is my life.  My body.  If I don't feel good, or like how I look - who's responsibility is that?  If I don't take care of me, who will?  So I just went for it.  I jumped in with both feet.  Well, my heart and mind jumped in.  In reality, and physically - I took baby steps.  And then some more.  Then a few bigger steps...and every day I take another.  And though I'm not "leaps and bounds" yet - my steps are all in the right direction.


In going through all this - trying these new things, feeling out this new flow in my life, adjusting priorities and learning more about myself and what I need physically and mentally - I've been struggling to find a balance between these new components and other things that are important to me as well.


Meaning - my crafting has taken a little bit of a back burner lately.  Listing things on Etsy - back burner.  Personal art and exploration of new creative ideas - back burner.  Blogging - back burner.  This is not, in any way, something I want to be permanent.  Not at all.  But it is something I thought would fall back into place fairly easily once I got into this new groove of mine.  Not so much.


I'm realizing that lifestyle changes kind of force entire lifestyle changes.  I used to come home from work (Mon - Fri, 9 to 5-er - that's me), eat whatever was easy, take care of some house stuff, relax, spend some time in the craftroom or do whatever else tickled my fancy.  Now - I leave work, go shopping (b/c healthy food does not generally come from a box - which requires more frequent grocery trips) come home, work out, shower, cook a healthy meal for me and Jon, clean up and by this time it's usually around at least 8:00 pm.  And I am a night owl by nature - but working a day job and having these new priorities when I get home - it kind of works against that.  I have to get my buns in bed by a reasonable hour or I will be wearing some serious cranky pants the next day.  So that really leaves only a couple solid hours for housework and personal hobbies.

*sigh*

So, it's been a little bit of a struggle lately to find a new balance.  I will not give up on taking care of myself.  I feel so. much. better.  With each workout I complete, I notice I can do more reps, or kick higher, or whatever - I'm getting stronger.  That's such an amazing feeling.  I have more energy.  I feel leaner - more flexy.  I feel good.  I will not let that go.


But it is also very important to me to follow my creative dreams as well.  I have big plans for my Etsy shop.  I have so many great ideas for new product lines.  I have a pile of awesome vintage stuff that's waiting to be photographed, etc.  There are numerous personal projects I'd like to complete (my craft room sewing table for one!).  I'd like to paint again.  Get back to drawing.  I have dreams, my lovelies, big dreams.  And lots of them.  I'm just havin a bit of a hard time getting everything to fall into its place around here.

But I'll get there.


So if you're wondering where I've been - I hope you understand.  I'm trying.  And I'll be back here on a more regular basis soon.  But I hope, until then, you'll bear with me.<3

Have you ever gone through anything like this?  Any personal struggles where the things that were most important in your life ended up competing against one another for the limited hours in your day - leaving you feel a little lost and unsure?  Please comment - I'd love to hear what you have to say.  Even you lurkers. ;)  Introduce yourself and put your two cents in.  How often do we get a chance to share completely solicited advice?  Haha!

Also, I think in the future, instead of being so concerned about trying to make all the things I post here be business and crafty-related, or tutorials, or recipes, etc., I'd like for this to be a place I share more of myself.  And also a place where we can help each other and be a space for comfort and support. The struggles.  The accomplishments.  Maybe get a bit more personal (I think this may be the most personal post I've ever done, actually. Eek!). After all - it is Flight of the Pook - and all of these things are a part of my "flight" - right?

9 comments:

A.A Van Hoof said...

I've been away from my blog too, because guess what? A few weeks ago I had an episode - something like a miniature stroke happened to my brain. Just some kind of inexplicable anomaly. It was totally scary and intense, especially considering my age. It makes you think about what's important, that's for sure. I have been too flippant.

Cassandra of Pooknflip said...

Oh my goodness! Are you ok now? Did they figure out what caused it? How very scary. :( And I thought I was having a rough time. It really is true that no matter what ur going through, the person next to u could be fighting an even harder battle. So love and be kind to everyone!! (easier said than done in some cases right?...) Are u having a hard time creatively too? I really hope ur feeling better now. My thoughts are with u. <3

Cassandra of Pooknflip said...

Thanks for commenting, btw. I felt I heard nothin but crickets after that post. Have to admit - was kinda bummed about it...

A.A Van Hoof said...

I must have missed it in my reader, I came by because I thought I hadn't heard anything from you for a while! I'm pretty much better but still get tired really easily. They said they wont do any specific tests unless it happens again so I may never know what actually happened! Well, fingers crossed I never know because that will mean it was a one off. I am struggling with my work, not with creativity but with motivation. I can't really pinpoint the problem. And I am supposed to start a graphic design course in a week! Yikes.

Cassandra of Pooknflip said...

Well thanks for checking in. :) Ugh! That's nuts. Do you ever watch that show, House? That's what I thought of when you said that happened. Hopefully its a total fluke.

I think what you said is a more accurate statement - creativity I have a ton of - I started keeping a little journal to help with getting organized. But the motivation thing...somedays I just cannot get going. I'm blaming it on the month - February is the absolute worst.

Good luck with your class! Hope it's a fun one. :)

StasaLynn said...

Oh my gosh Cassandra.... this post is EXACTLY what is going on my life too! Reading this was like looking in the mirror and hearing my voice in my head.... wow!

I have been away for awhile too... so that is why I had not commented earlier. I think what you are doing is fantastic and keep it up. My family (my husband's name is John!) and I are slowly working on our weight issues.... I too have been so tired of seeing something in the mirror which was not what I thought I looked like!

But also your comments about the creativity and finding the right balance - so exactly what my thoughts have been of late too!

Thank you for sharing yourself with us! Also giving us a place for support!

Keep up the good work!

Stacey

Cassandra of Pooknflip said...

Hi Stacey!

Thanks so much for writing! It's sooo great to know that you're not alone - especially when going through something like this. There are a lot of life changes going on over here. My Jon is pretty on-board too - but it's great to have another girl who knows how I feel. :)

Have you found anything that's working for you to find the "balance" between this (very time-consuming, but very worth it!) new lifestyle and your creative side? Are you on Pinterest? I get a lot of inspiration and food ideas from there.

You're very welcome. And thank you again for writing. After I poured all that out...I kinda felt like I heard crickets! Ouch! Lol!! Glad you girlies (Amy too!) understand. :) And thanks for the encouragement too!

StasaLynn said...

Oh boy... as you can see - the balance thingee is not a strong point for me right now.... you probably heard crickets again!

Yes - I am on Pinterest and oh my tons and tons of inspiration.

I am hopeful after Easter to try and work on the balance thingee.... It is tough! Very very tough. BUT I must find a way because my creative needs have not been met lately and that makes a grumpy me..... ;) I think I get overwhelmed.... I want to try so many different projects and then I have so many projects in various stages of completion and then.... poof.... I am OVERWHELMED beyond belief.

.... so if you figure out the magic spell.... just let us know....

I did find a new (to me) website/blog called skinnytaste.com which has some AWESOME recipes....

Keep up the creative work you are doing! It is all just fantastic.

Stacey

Cassandra of Pooknflip said...

Hey Stacey! Sorry it took me so long to write back.

I feel like you're taking words right out of my mouth. :) I'm right there with you on every point. I am proud of myself for doing so well health/exercise/house/social -wise...so I try to remember to give myself credit there. But I am sorely lacking in the creative part lately. Which totally. bums. me. out. Ugh.

Haha! Likewise! If you figure out that magic spell - I would love to try it out!

I've gotten a bunch of recipes from skinnytaste! I love that site. Very inspiring and very helpful.

Thanks for your words of encouragement. :) Again - very glad to know I'm not alone. :)